she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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