we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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