Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
