I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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