walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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