my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
