so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
