The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
