I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
