Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
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as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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