sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
