did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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