Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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