It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
