I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
