Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
