So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
