when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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