I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
