tell your sister to shave her snatch
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
