After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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