I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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