just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
