i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
