sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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