I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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