Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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