I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
