Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
