I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
