i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
