This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
As shirtless as possible
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
