how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
