So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
