Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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