3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
