What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
