My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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