You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
