We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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