Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just had sex on a roof
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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