Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
