Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
