Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
