imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
