My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
