wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
