I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
