my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
