can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
