Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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