sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
