Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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