Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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