honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
