he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
