so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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