I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i would punch a child for taco bell
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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