oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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