I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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