you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
