ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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