I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
