Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
