My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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