I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
