So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
