Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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