as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
