Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
