you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
