Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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