I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
